3. Emotional Overload at Work - Helping Staff Keep Cool Without Walking on Eggshells
Supporting staff who get easily overwhelmed or upset
Karen runs a busy little café in Nelson. Locals love the place for the coffee and the friendly vibe. But recently, she’s noticed something worrying. Her barista Mel, who’s usually upbeat and reliable, burst into tears on shift after Karen asked her to remake a coffee that wasn’t right. It wasn’t a yelling match or harsh words, just a quick correction. But it hit Mel hard.
Karen was taken aback. "Is she too sensitive? Am I doing something wrong?" she wondered. But as she dug a little deeper, Karen realised the issue wasn’t the coffee, it was how feedback and stress were stacking up in Mel’s head.
This kind of situation happens more than we talk about, especially in small teams where the pressure is on and people are expected to just "toughen up." But emotional overload at work isn’t a weakness. It’s often a sign that someone’s executive functioning is under strain.
What Does Emotional Overload Look Like?
Some people handle stress by going quiet. Others get angry and some, like Mel, cry when it all gets too much. These reactions can catch managers off guard, especially if they feel like they didn’t do anything wrong. But for staff with executive functioning challenges, emotional control can be one of the first things to slip when things feel overwhelming.
Common signs include -
Strong emotional reactions to small setbacks
Difficulty bouncing back after a mistake
Shutting down during busy periods
Avoiding feedback or getting defensive
Seeming tense, anxious, or easily flustered
It’s Not About Being Soft
Let’s be clear - emotional overload isn’t a sign that someone is weak, lazy, or unprofessional. It’s a sign that their nervous system is in overdrive. This can happen for many reasons - anxiety, ADHD, autism, trauma, burnout, or even just running on empty for too long.
The workplace can either fuel that overload or help take the pressure down a notch.
Back to Karen and Mel
After the crying incident, Karen decided to chat with Mel privately. She kept it relaxed, asked if Mel was okay and said she just wanted to understand what was going on. That opened the door.
Mel explained that she’d been feeling overwhelmed lately. The pace of the café, the noise, the constant multitasking - it was taking a toll. When Karen pointed out a mistake, it felt like just one more thing she was getting wrong. It wasn’t the feedback itself, but how it landed in that moment.
Karen didn’t need to walk on eggshells. She just needed to tweak how she gave feedback and help Mel find ways to reset when things got too much.
Simple Ways to Support Staff in Mel’s Shoes
You don’t need a big HR department or fancy training to make a difference. Here are some practical things that can help -
1. Talk About It (Before It Boils Over)
Create a space where staff feel safe talking about what’s hard. This isn’t about being touchy-feely, it’s about being real. Say something like, "Hey, I noticed you seemed a bit overwhelmed yesterday. Want to chat about how work’s going?"
2. Ask About Feedback Preferences
Some people do better with written feedback. Others prefer a quick debrief at the end of shift. Some need a minute to process before responding. Ask your staff - "When something needs fixing, what’s the best way for me to bring it up with you?"
3. Build in Small Breaks
Overwhelm builds up fast in high-paced jobs. Giving staff permission to take a quick breather can stop a meltdown before it happens. A short walk, a few deep breaths outside, or just a quiet minute can reset the brain.
4. Use Clear, Calm Language
Avoid vague or emotional phrases. Instead of "This is a mess," try "Let’s take another shot at this one. It needs a bit more milk."
5. Have an Exit Plan
If someone is on the edge, it helps to have a plan. Maybe they can swap to a back-of-house task or take 5 without asking. Knowing there’s a pressure valve can prevent things from exploding.
6. Celebrate What’s Going Well
If staff only hear what they’re doing wrong, they’ll brace for every conversation. Mix in positive feedback, even on small things. "Loved how you handled that rush today" goes a long way.
7. Pay Attention to the Environment
Noise, heat, lights, constant interruptions - they all add up. If the environment is part of the stress, see what can be adjusted. Could the music be a little lower? Is there a quieter spot for breaks?
Tools That Can Help
Some staff might benefit from practical aids -
Fidget tools (for calming nerves)
Noise-cancelling headphones (for quiet reset time)
Checklists or shift prep sheets (to reduce overwhelm)
Mood check-ins or "stop light" signals (green = good, yellow = struggling, red = needs support)
You don’t need to spend big. Often, the biggest shift is just being open to trying something new.
What Changed for Mel?
After their chat, Karen and Mel agreed on a few changes -
Feedback would come at the end of the shift unless something urgent needed fixing.
Mel could take a quick 2-minute break if she felt herself getting overwhelmed.
Karen would check in once a week to see how things were going.
It wasn’t a big overhaul. But it worked. Mel felt heard, the tears stopped and her performance improved. Karen didn’t lose a good staff member - she built a stronger one.
Final Thought - It’s Not About Lowering the Bar
Supporting staff who feel things deeply doesn’t mean giving them a free pass. It means giving them the tools and space to stay in the game. When you support the person, you get better performance - not worse.
You don’t need to coddle your team. But if someone’s struggling to hold it together, ignoring it won’t help. A small shift in how you lead can be the difference between burnout and breakthrough.
If you’d like to discuss your neurodivergent team members and how to transform the workplace environment to achieve their full potential, please make contact for a free, no obligation and confidential conversation.
donelle.dewar@neuro-focus.co.nz
+64 21 825 286